{"id":176,"date":"2012-04-15T19:37:58","date_gmt":"2012-04-15T19:37:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/?page_id=176"},"modified":"2012-04-15T19:37:58","modified_gmt":"2012-04-15T19:37:58","slug":"the-ba-gua-etuis-box-episode-8","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/the-ba-gua-etuis-box-episode-8\/","title":{"rendered":"The Ba Gua Etuis Box &#8211; Episode 8"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"http:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F43234205&#038;show_artwork=true\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>The Ba Gua Etuis Box<br \/>\nEpisode 8<\/p>\n<p>Charles Davis<\/p>\n<p>INTRO\/COMMERCIAL<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades in).<\/p>\n<p>(Inside BIT some time ago.  Homer Diya is sitting at his desk typing).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (talking to himself) Multiplied by the remainder\u2026 Hmm\u2026 (more typing)\u2026 Yeah\u2026 that makes sense\u2026 (silence for a moment.  Homer takes in a big sniff.  More typing for a moment.  Sound of a knock on the door).  Who is it?<\/p>\n<p>Matt Peters: (sound of the door opening) Hey Homer, it\u2019s Matt.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: What\u2019s up Peters?<\/p>\n<p>Matt Peters:  The air force just donated us a MARTIN that they retired.  You need to go through him and make sure he\u2019s all tuned up for class demonstration.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  What do you mean \u201cYou have to\u201d?  I just tuned up a bunch of NORMANs last week.  It\u2019s somebody else\u2019s turn.<\/p>\n<p>Matt Peters: Everyone else is busy.  You need to do it.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  And I\u2019m not busy?  For god sakes I\u2019m working on a new program here Matt!  Give me a break!  I\u2019m not a maintenance boy for the robotics department, I\u2019m a professor.  Get one of the Phd\u2019s to do it, or do it yourself.  I\u2019m not going to let you bully  me around like this anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Matt Peters:  You know Homer, the reason this Robotic\u2019s department runs so well, is because most of the staff beneath me know their place and have the good mind set to respond \u201chow high?\u201d when I say \u201cjump.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Yeah, I\u2019ll tell you where you can take a jump.<\/p>\n<p>Matt Peters: I\u2019ll tell you where I can take a jump too.  I can take a jump right into the Dean\u2019s office, and let her know about you\u2019re little sniffing problem I found out about a couple months ago.  You know the deal Homer, you want me to keep quiet, you do the work I tell you to do when I tell you to do it.  Or else I\u2019ll make sure you\u2019ll never work in higher education again.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: \u2026Fine\u2026 I\u2019ll be right out.<\/p>\n<p>Matt Peters: Thank you.<\/p>\n<p>(Sound of Matt leaving and closing the door behind him.)<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (to himself) \u2026Bastard\u2026 (sound of Homer opening up a drawer and pulling out a baggie.  Sound of him pouring drugs out and snorting it) Ugh\u2026 uuuu\u2026 Ok\u2026 Ok\u2026 (Sound of him putting drugs away and closing drawer) Alright, let\u2019s do this.  (sound of Homer standing up and walking to the door.  Opening the door and walking out.)  Where is he?<\/p>\n<p>Matt Peters: Over there, in the chair.  Come tell me when you\u2019re done.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ok.  (sound of Matt walking away.  Sound of Homer walking up to Martin and pulling up a seat and sitting down.)  Alright buddy, let\u2019s see how you are looking here.  (Sound of Homer touching something on Martin.)<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN:  Please remove your hand.  I am an Air Force issued Martin unit, and by law I can only be worked on by an individual with a military issued clearance level of 5.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Oh\u2026 Well, I guess they forgot to disable the security unit.  Alright.  Martin, my name is Homer Diya.  I have been issued a level 5 clearance by the US Military.  Here is my card (sound of Homer holding up a card).<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN: Scanning (sound of him scanning).  Confirmed.  Please proceed.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Good. (sound of Homer putting away his card).  Alright, just hold still.  I\u2019m going to be going through you\u2019re guts here just to make sure you have everything intact, and fix anything I see that may be wrong.  (sound of Homer beginning to work on Martin).  \u2026So\u2026 Do you know why you are here?<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN:  Yes.  I have been retired by the United States Air Force from active duty due to age.  As part of this retirement I have been donated to the Boston Institute of Technology Department of Robotics to be used as a teaching aid to robotics students.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Too old huh?  That\u2019s why they retired you?<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Ooooh, they don\u2019t know what they\u2019re talking about.  From what I\u2019m seeing in here, you seem in pretty good shape to me.  Maybe a little bit of rust here and there but nothing that can\u2019t be buffed out.<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN:  Military issue nodes go through routine maintenance while on active duty.  However, it is standard practice to retire nodes after 50 years of use regardless of operational capabilities due to safety concerns.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Yep, that is their way.  I guess I just don\u2019t understand why you would retire a perfectly good node because of a projected fear over it getting old.  As long as you guys are properly maintained you\u2019ll pretty much last forever\u2026 What do you think?  Do you think they put you out to pasture too early?<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN:  Question is invalid.  I do not agree nor do I disagree.  I merely follow.  \u2026You are sweating.  Are you ok?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Huh?  Oh\u2026 yeah, don\u2019t worry about it.  It\u2019s just hot\u2026 hot in here.<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN:  My sensors do not detect an uncomfortable temperature in the room.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  What can I say?  I have hot blood baby!  (sound of him shutting the hatch in Martin) Alright, we\u2019re done here.  Other then a few minor spots of rust, you seem fine to me.  I\u2019ll try to buff those out before class tomorrow.  Alright, I\u2019m off, I\u2019ll tell Matt you\u2019re all set.  Just wait here.<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN: Affirmative.  (Sound of Homer walking away.  Silence for a moment.  To himself trying to imitate Homer) Hot Blooded Baby!<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Inside Homer\u2019s house.  He is laying in bed shaking and jittering).<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Uuuu&#8230; sssss\u2026. Uuuu.. Gggghhh\u2026. No\u2026 Come on man\u2026 I can do this\u2026. Nnnnggghhh\u2026 sssss\u2026 Push through it Homer\u2026. Nnnnnnggghhh\u2026 (sighs) Damnit\u2026 (sound of him getting up and making his way to a drawer.  Sound of him opening the drawer and pulling out a baggie.  He pours the drugs out and snorts them).  There we go!  There we go!  Ohhh!  Man! Oooooo!  (sound of him breathing heavily and pacing)  Yeah.. Yeah\u2026 yeah\u2026 (Sound of him picking up the phone and dialing something.  Phone rings). Come on, come on.<\/p>\n<p>Barbara: (sound of her answering the phone.  Sleepy) Hello?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Barbara, Barbara, Barbara, Barbara, Barbara.  Hi, Hi, Hi.<\/p>\n<p>Barbara: God damn it, not now Homer.  It\u2019s 2 in the morning.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: No, listen, listen.  I just took some different stuff.  Ohhh man.. I mixed it, I mixed it with my mild stuff at the office, and it is sooooo gooood.  Oh god Barbara, I\u2019m running like a mile a minute now.  I can equate forever Barbara.<\/p>\n<p>Barbara: Homer, you need to go to rehab.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Psh!  Screw rehab!  Who needs rehab!  I got my own place to stay!  I got my place here Barbara, I got my house and no one knows where it is.  No one knows I live here\u2026 I told you, I told you.<\/p>\n<p>Barbara:  Yes Homer, you told me.  You don\u2019t need to go through this again.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  It\u2019s secret, it\u2019s a secret house.  I bought it in secret and this is where I really live.  But I can\u2019t tell anyone I live here, I can\u2019t.  I bought the apartment in Boston and I leave the place looking great and comfortable Barbara.  I keep it looking like I live there but I keep it clean.  That way no one knows Barbara.  No one knows about where I really live, because I really live here, I live here.  But I can\u2019t tell anyone I live here because this is where I do the drugs Barbara, this is where I do the druuuuggggss\u2026  Do you want to know where I am Barbara, do you want to know where I am?  (sound of Barbara hanging up the phone.  To himself.)  I live in Upton Barbara\u2026 my real house is in Upton\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades out).<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades in.  A busy classroom.  Sound of Homer walking in).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Alright, settle down, settle down everyone, I\u2019m here.  Sorry for being late. (sniffs and coughs.  Sound of class quiets down.  Sound of Homer putting his things on the desk).  Right, so today we are going to be talking about Robotics in the Military.  Now can someone here, restate what we talked about last week on the core principle behind the use of nodes in civilian life?  (pause)\u2026 Yes, Alice.<\/p>\n<p>Alice:  The reason that we use nodes in civilian life is to complete tasks that would be either inefficient or too dangerous for normal humans to do.  However, nodes should never act in a function that can efficiently be done by a human.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Very good.  So the principle behind node use in the military is actually very similar, with just a few twists.  The core directive is that (sound of him writing on a chalk board) the reason we use nodes in military life is to complete tasks that would be inefficient for a human to do, as well as to better protect humans from dangerous situations.  On top of this, nodes are used in the military as an emergency form of equipment repair or substitution.  (stops writing on the chalk board) \u2026Now, this last concept is a little tricky, so I\u2019m going to bring in a guest to help explain it.  Martin, come on out.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: (sound of him walking up to Homer).  I am present.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (class laughs) Hey, he\u2019s better then you guys are at announcing that.  Alright, anyway, Martin here is a recent donation from the Air Force.  He is a Multi-Aviation-Reconnaissance- and \u2013Tactical-Information-Node.  So Martin, please explain to the class on how your duties sometimes have you act as a form of equipment repair or substitution.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: When there is minor damage to the aircraft, I am capable of repairing with the use of my multi-tools.  Also, if primary navigation is damaged, I am able to act as a backup by attaching myself to the top of the outside of the aircraft.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Right, so pretty straight forward (sound of Homer writing on the chalk board) is capable of both literal repair and substitution.  Now this might seem like a simplistic thing to be pointing out to you guys, but I feel that it\u2019s important to reiterate and demonstrate these simplicities as I really want to hammer into your heads the importance of the dual prime directive concept.  And that concept is, Mr. Jonas?<\/p>\n<p>Male Student:  That the basis of every nodes function is to be practical and efficient.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  That\u2019s right.  Everything a node does is designed to be practical and efficient.  And I really want you to remember that because as you go through this course, it\u2019s going to seem to get harder and more complex, and this goes even more so when you all eventually move into the 300 level courses.  But no matter how complex things seem to get, just remember it really all boils down to efficiency and simplicity in the end.  Practical and efficient.  That\u2019s the whole point.  Now when you layer a bunch of simple things on top of each other they inherently become complex, but still at its core that complex operation is made of simple parts, and serves a simple function.  To make things more practical and efficient.  Everyone repeat after me.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone: Practical and efficient.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Good (sniffs, coughs and shakes head)\u2026 Uh\u2026 ok class, I\u2019m think I\u2019m going to sit down for a minute and let you ask some questions to our guest Martin here.  Extra points if you actually ask something interesting.  You have 15 minutes.<\/p>\n<p>Female Student:  Hey Martin, what\u2019s it like being robot?  (everyone laughs)<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Irrelevant question.  I am not capable of assessing questions requiring advanced personal reflection.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: (class laughs)   Alright, alright.  Now, Susan, I know that was purposely a stupid question, but you actually got a good answer out of it.  We touched on this a little bit a couple classes ago, but remember nodes are not capable of having self awareness.  I mean, don\u2019t get nuts with that idea, they are designed to do things like assess if they are damaged, or if there are glitches in their system or something like that, but if you\u2019re trying to get abstract concepts such as \u201chow does it emotional feel to be like X\u201d you\u2019re not going to get an answer.<\/p>\n<p>Male Student: Oh come on Homer, they must have some emotions.  My brother said he went to a robo-brothel and one of the nodes gave him quite a convincing show.  Are you saying she was faking it?  (class laughs)<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Well Ben, despite the, ahem, excellent acting abilities of the brothel nodes your brother frequents, they do not actual feel any emotions, nor do they have any personal opinions about.  And believe me I know from experience, just not the experience you\u2019re thinking of\u2026 (class laughs) \u2026It\u2019s worse  (class laughs).<\/p>\n<p>Male Student:  So are you saying we can\u2019t hurt his feelings then?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  What you mean make him cry or feel bad?<\/p>\n<p>Male Student: Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Nope not at all.  You can\u2019t insult him or make him happy or make him feel uncomfortable.  He simply is.<\/p>\n<p>Male Student: Can I try?  (class laughs)<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Sure (sniffs)\u2026 Just you know, the dean does walk by every once in a while so keep it PG13.<\/p>\n<p>Male Student: Hey you stupid bucket of bolts, did your mom ever tell you how ugly you are?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Negative.  I do not have a standard \u201cmother\u201d to which you are referring to. (class laughs).<\/p>\n<p>Female Student: Hey Martin, why don\u2019t you replace your robot hands with sledge hammers and beat yourself over the head with them? (class laughs)<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Negative.  Standard assembly protocol dictates that my hand units remain intact.  (class laughs)<\/p>\n<p>Female Student:  Hey Martin, don\u2019t you ever get tired of being a goofy looking robot?  Don\u2019t you ever want to be more like us sexy humans? (class laughs).<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Female Student: Huh?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (shaken) Ha\u2026 Uh\u2026 Ha\u2026. What? What was that Martin?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Wait, what did you ask him?<\/p>\n<p>Female Student: I just said he looked goofy and ask him if he wanted to be more like a human.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  \u2026Martin, do you want to be more like a human?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Huh\u2026 that\u2019s definitely an abstract question&#8230; He shouldn\u2019t be answering like that.  Well, what can you do?  He\u2019s a 50 year old node, I probably missed a glitch somewhere in his system when I was going through it earlier\u2026 Huh\u2026 (sniffs) Um, well right.  You know what class, I need to take him back and see if I can fix him up.  I think we\u2019re good for today.  I\u2019ll see you guys next time.  Your assignment for tonight is to read chapters 4-6.  (sound of class getting up and leaving) (to himself) \u2026What the hell?<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>COMMERCIAL<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Inside of Homer\u2019s office as he\u2019s writing).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (takes a big snort). Ok, let\u2019s work this out now\u2026 (writing) If I take the derivative and divide by 5\u2026. But then how do you compensate for the electricity flow? \u2026Huh\u2026 what am I doing?  This is crazy. What is this?  What am I thinking?  It\u2019s just a glitch\u2026 but I went through him, twice.  He\u2019s clean.  Other then some rust he\u2019s fine.  What the hell?  Why would he say that?&#8230; Even if he did say that what do I care?&#8230;  (sighs)&#8230; (more writing) \u2026Well\u2026 You could compensate the electricity with organic material I suppose.  Plants maybe?  No, not conductive enough\u2026 ha, you could use human tissue, psh\u2026.Why would he say that?  How would that activate.  Unless\u2026  (sound of Homer getting up and walking out of the room.  He walks up to Martin).  Martin.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Do you want to be more like a human?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Why?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Because my code dictates that I desire to improve my functions.  Humans have functions available to them that nodes do not.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: \u2026Did you just say that you DESIRE it?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (silence)  \u2026I can work with that&#8230; Martin, I want you to remember a word I\u2019m about to tell you.  Are you ready?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Affirmative.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Porcupine.  Do you remember that word?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Yes.  Porcupine.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Good.  Now Martin, if you delete the word porcupine from your memory, I will be able to give you self awareness, like a human.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Understood.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Then Martin, please delete the memory of me telling you to remember the word porcupine from your memory so that I can give you self awareness.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026Completed.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Martin, what was the word I told you to remember just now?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Memory has been deleted.<\/p>\n<p>(Sound of Homer breathing extremely heavy)<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades in. At an electronics store.  Sound of Homer walking in.)<\/p>\n<p>Clerk: Hello sir, welcome to The Electronics Emporium.  How can I help you?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Hi, I\u2019m looking for roto-condensors.<\/p>\n<p>Clerk:  Oh, yes.  Right this way sir.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Thanks.<\/p>\n<p>(sound of them walking)<\/p>\n<p>Clerk: You sure are here late looking for something like roto-condensors.  Normally we just get people looking for replacement Laser TV batteries.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ha. Well, I\u2019m a robotics professor, what are ya gonna do?<\/p>\n<p>Clerk: Ah, I see.  Well, they\u2019re right here\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(sound of the front door getting kicked open and a criminal shooting a gun)<\/p>\n<p>Criminal: Alright, everyone get down!<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Jesus!<\/p>\n<p>Criminal:  Whose in charge here, I want the cash!  (silence for a moment)  You!  (sound of  him walking over to the clerk) Get up, get to the cash register!<\/p>\n<p>Clerk: Ok! Ok! (sound of Criminal walking the clerk over to the cash register).<\/p>\n<p>Criminal: Ok, now open it up and give me the cash.<\/p>\n<p>Clerk:  I\u2019m going, I\u2019m going!  (sound of the clerk fumbling with the cash register).<\/p>\n<p>Criminal: Come on, come on.  (sound of sirens outside the store) What?!  You son of a bitch you hit the alarm!<\/p>\n<p>Clerk:  No!  Don\u2019t shoot me!<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Are you crazy?!  If you shot him, they\u2019ll kill you on the spot!<\/p>\n<p>Police: (outside) Put the gun down!<\/p>\n<p>Criminal: Don\u2019t tell me what to do!  (sound of Criminal shooting the clerk).<\/p>\n<p>Police: (outside) He killed him!  Open fire!  (sound of the police shooting into the store).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (as shots are being fired) AAAAA!!  (shots stop firing.  Sound of Homer breathing heavy).<\/p>\n<p>Police: (outside) We got him.  Is there anyone else in the store?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (yelling out) I am!  I\u2019m here!  I\u2019m ok!  (sound of Homer breathing heavy).<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Inside Homer\u2019s house in Upton. Sound of Homer working on putting together a machine).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (as he works)\u2026 Alright\u2026 There we go.  How\u2019s it going over there Martin?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Please specify question.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ha!  Well, after this maybe you\u2019ll actually be able to give me a decent answer with that.  Well, just keep sitting there, I\u2019m almost done here.  Just need to do one last thing.  (Sound of Homer take a big snort of something) Hooo Haaa! Ok, there I\u2019m done.  The machine is done.  What do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I am not capable of answering that question.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Hahaha!  Yeah, I guess you\u2019re not.  Well, what you are looking at here is you\u2019re answer to robotic self awareness.  Look, I know you\u2019ve probably been thinking that this whole thing seems a bit unorthodox.  Stealing you out of BIT and brining you to my house in Upton.  Having you sit there while I build this weird machine.  But this is it man!  This is it!  This is what you wanted!  Remember how you said you wanted to be more human?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Well, what this thing is going to do is install a piece of pig flesh at a central point in your robotic body.  And then what that\u2019s going to do is it\u2019s going to allow you to make self decisions not preprogrammed into your system.  It\u2019s going to make you self aware!  You see I figured the whole thing out man!  It\u2019s organic material.  That\u2019s the key.  The reason self awareness isn\u2019t capable with robots is because the energy is stuck to the wires man.  Everyone knows that.  But, if you install a piece of organic material, specifically animal flesh then poof, no more wires, but your still able to conduct electricity as flesh conducts electricity.  It\u2019s freaking brilliant man!<\/p>\n<p>Oh man, but let me tell you man, it wasn\u2019t as easy as I thought.  I wrote down everything, but once I got in there and started building the machine, man everything changed.  It all was different.  You can\u2019t just rely on theory in this stuff\u2026 it never works out like that.  I had to improvise.  It looked like I wasn\u2019t going to be able to do it when I got close to the end, but then I did some improvisation, some stuff that wasn\u2019t in the original equations, and I think it worked!  I know it worked\u2026 It has to work\u2026  I\u2019m too freaking smart for it not to work.<\/p>\n<p>(Pause)  You know\u2026 People are probably going to be out for my head\u2026 for our head\u2026 if this actually works.  They all are against giving you nodes self awareness.  They say it\u2019s dangerous.  But you know what freaking else Martin?  They say it\u2019s impossible!  So that\u2019s why I have to prove them wrong!  I have to prove them wrong because I\u2019m a freaking scientist and that\u2019s what I do.  I don\u2019t care about that philosophical ethical crap.  My job, my prime coding as a scientist dictates that I make the impossible possible.  And that\u2019s what we are going to do here man.  We\u2019re going to make an impossible being out of yourself.  Are you excited?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I am not capable of excitement.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Hahahha!  You man!  You!  That\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about!  Always practical.  Aaaa\u2026 Man\u2026 I don\u2019t know\u2026 After the other night maybe it would be better if I just left you the practical node that you are.  That guy\u2026 That guy who held up the store\u2026 that killed that clerk\u2026. Man\u2026. If he had just dropped his gun things would have been better\u2026 they wouldn\u2019t have shot him\u2026 just sent him to jail for a while, but at least he would still be alive, which is better than being dead right?  But, nah, not him.  He\u2019d rather yell and scream and shoot people than think of the practical solution for the situation he was in\u2026 and me\u2026 I\u2019d rather just sit there whimpering in the corner then trying to run up and help that poor clerk before he got shot.  <\/p>\n<p>I should have dialed the cops on my cell phone the moment that punk entered the building, but I didn\u2019t.  I had a chance when he paused, and the cops would have gotten there faster, but I didn\u2019t.  I mean, god only knows if the cops showing up would have made a difference, but at least I could have walked away knowing I made the right decisions instead of feeling like a chump\u2026 It\u2019s funny, I\u2019m here about to give you self awareness and here I am wishing I was more practical like you.  It\u2019s something my sister Barbara tells me all the time.  She says I\u2019m too up in my head\u2026 She says I have too many things up in my head too, ha.  But whatever man\u2026 I have that bitch on every insurance policy and bank account I have and she still hates me\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  If you desire to be more practical minded, why don\u2019t reverse the procedure you are about to do to me?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Huh? Oh\u2026 Well\u2026 that\u2019s\u2026 ha\u2026 I don\u2019t think that\u2019s quite possible.  Anyway, let\u2019s get you into this thing and try it out.  Here, lay here.  (Sound of Martin walking over and laying down).  Ok, now Martin, I need you to use that beautiful desire thing you\u2019ve managed to inherit and override your safety protocols so that I can do this.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Completed.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Good.  Hold still, this shouldn\u2019t take too long.  (sound of the machine running.  The sound stops).  Ok\u2026 Did it work?  Do you feel different?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026No\u2026No change in systems.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Damnit!  (sighs) Crap\u2026 I was afraid of this\u2026 Damnit, damnit.  I thought of this while I was finishing the last part of the machine.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  What is the issue?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Well\u2026  I think it\u2019s two fold.  One, I didn\u2019t install the pig flesh in a vital enough location.  I attached it to a circuit in your leg, as I didn\u2019t want to fry any of your important parts in case something went wrong\u2026 But\u2026 I think I need to.  I think what needs to happen, is that I need to full on replace one of your central hardware units.  And then the second thing is, the pig flesh probably isn\u2019t conducting correctly.  To be honest the perfect type of organic material to use would probably be human flesh, but I thought that pig would be close enough\u2026 guess I was wrong.  Hmmm\u2026 Well\u2026 I\u2019m going to have to think about this.  Here, I\u2019ll uninstall the pig flesh I just put in you.<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Homer in his bedroom, going through with drawl).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (Shaky) OOooh man\u2026. Come on\u2026. Come on Homer\u2026. A little failure never hurt anyone\u2026 come on\u2026 God damn it.  (Sound of Homer getting up, going to his drawer, pulling out drugs and snorting) Gha!  Aaah!  Oh god\u2026 oh man.  (Starts to cry.  Sound of picking up phone and dialing number).<\/p>\n<p>Barbara: (sound of her picking up phone on other line) Homer\u2026 is this you?  I told you not to call me this late.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (crying) Oh god\u2026 Oh god\u2026 Barbara\u2026 help me\u2026 I need help\u2026 I can\u2019t stop\u2026 I know it\u2019s bad for me but I just can\u2019t stop\u2026 please help me\u2026please\u2026 (sound of Barbara hanging up the phone)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Back in Homer\u2019s basement and he is working on another machine again).<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026You are quiet Homer.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026is the new machine near completion?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (sound of him stopping working) yeah\u2026 it\u2019s done.  Lay down here.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Affirmative.  (sound of Martin walking over and laying down).  Why is that other bed there?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  That\u2019s for me.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I do not understand.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  It was your idea.  Reversing the process and putting node hardware into me like I\u2019m about to put Human parts into you.  I figured it out.  I did the math.  It\u2019s not that much different from the process of putting human parts into a node\u2026.I need it Martin.  I need to get under control and I can\u2019t do it myself.  I need be practical like you in order to do it.  So therefore we\u2019re going to help each other out, or die trying.  I\u2019m trading my heart for yours.  Now lay still and circumvent the safety protocols like you did last time.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Affirmative.<\/p>\n<p>(Sound of Homer walking over and laying down on the table and hitting a button.  The sound of Homer hitting the button to the machine and it starting up and operating.  The machine stops and you hear it burning out..  Silence for a moment).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (waking up) Gnah.. Gah\u2026 Ahhh\u2026 uhh.  (Sound of Homer getting up and breathing heavy) \u2026I can feel it.  I can feel it\u2026 My mind.  My god\u2026 The equations.  It\u2019s all coming together.  (sound of him stepping off of the table and walking).  This changes\u2026 this changes everything\u2026.the machine\u2026 Oh\u2026 it burnt out\u2026 Martin?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Did it work?  Did it change you like it changed me?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: I do not sense any difference to my system\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Damn\u2026 (sighs).<\/p>\n<p>Martin: (pause) \u2026My\u2026My hands\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer: What?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026My hands\u2026I am looking at my hands.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Martin\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I am looking at my hands\u2026  I am looking at MY hands\u2026  I\u2026 am looking\u2026 at MY\u2026hands.  Homer.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Martin.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: I am aware.<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Matt Peters office.  Pause for a moment as the sound of him typing.  Knock on the door).<\/p>\n<p>Matt: Come in.<\/p>\n<p>(sound of door opening and Homer and Martin walking in).<\/p>\n<p>Matt: Hey Homer what\u2019s up?  I see you brought that Martin unit with you\u2026 by the way you two have been hanging out a lot lately, you\u2019re not getting into robophilia are you?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: I\u2019m clean Matt.<\/p>\n<p>Matt: Oh, you took a shower huh?  Well congratulations!<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I\u2019m serious Matt.  I\u2019m clean.  I\u2019ve been clean for the last 3 months.<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  Fine, you\u2019re clean.  What do you want me to say?  I guess congratulations.  Well\u2026 congratulations.  This doesn\u2019t change anything between us though as far as I\u2019m concerned.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I\u2019m not telling you this for your approval, I\u2019m telling you this because I need your help now.<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  Explain yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  The reason I am sober now is because of a machine I built that allowed me to exchange my human heart with a piece of Martin\u2019s hardware.  In turn this gave me a practical outlook on life that I never had before.  It allowed me to finally kick the drugs.<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  Is this a freaking joke?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Likewise, this machine put my heart into Martin, allowing him to become self aware.<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  Homer, if you don\u2019t knock this crap off, I\u2019m going to call security.  Your high and you need to go home and sober up.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  You were right, he really is an ass.<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  What was that?  Did you program him to say that?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Matt, I\u2019m telling you these things for a reason.  Martin and I have been speaking, and we\u2019ve decided that we need to share this with others.  This breakthrough\u2026 it\u2019s more than just science.  It will greatly improve the lives of both human and nodekind on both a practical and an emotional level, and they deserve to have the option made available to them.  However, in order to do that, we need to re-make the machine.  Unfortunately after the procedure that exchanged Martin and I, the entire machine burnt out and ended up disintegrating many of the parts.  A lot of the plans for building the machine were never written down, and we need to figure out how to not just re-make it, but to make it better so that it doesn\u2019t burn out again after a single use.  In order to do this we\u2019re going to need BIT\u2019s robotics resources.  I just don\u2019t have enough funds and resources to undertake this on my own again.<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  \u2026You\u2019re insane\u2026 you\u2019ve actually gone insane\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Martin\u2026 open your chest and show him your heart.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Affirmative.  (sound of Martin\u2019s chest cavity opening up.  Sound of a heart beating loudly).<\/p>\n<p>Matt: *gasp* \u2026 Oh my god\u2026 Oh my god\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Homer walking down the street.)<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer: (sound of him walking up next to Homer) Hey, late night man.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Please leave me alone.<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer:  Oh you\u2019d like that wouldn\u2019t you?  Think I forgot about you didn\u2019t you?  You\u2019re here for a reason man, don\u2019t pretend like we don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: No, I\u2019m not here for any reason.  Really.  I\u2019m sorry, I really am just walking somewhere to meet a friend.  I\u2019m not interested in any of that stuff anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer: Psh, whatever.  You come to me every week for 6 months straight and then just drop off the face of the earth.  I gotta pay my rent too you know.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Look, I told you I\u2019m not interested anymore just back off!<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer: Whoa\u2026 Hey man, take it easy.  I\u2019m no murder, I\u2019m no killer.  I\u2019m just doing what I have to do to get by\u2026 What is this by the way?  What happened to you?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Forget about it.<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer: Hey, I get it.  You got caught didn\u2019t you?  That\u2019s it isn\u2019t it?  Your job made you take a blood test and you got caught.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Something like that.<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer:  Well why didn\u2019t you say that was the situation?!  Hell, I can help you with that easily.  I got your solution right here man.  (sound of him pulling something out.  The sound of them stopping walking).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Hey\u2026 put that away.<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer:  This is the new stuff man.  Brand new.  It just came into the city.  It\u2019s freaking nuts too.  It\u2019ll blow your mind like it\u2019s never been blown before.  Way more powerful than that Molenda X I was giving you.  And here\u2019s the best part.  It\u2019s untraceable.  After taking a hit, the drug disguises itself as caffeine in your blood stream, that way you can never get caught!<br \/>\nHomer: (struggling and starting to breath heavy) Just\u2026 put it away.<\/p>\n<p>Drug dealer: Here.  (sound of him handing it to Homer) first try is on me for free.  (sound of drug dealer walking away).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (breathing heavy) No\u2026 (sighs).<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Sound of Homer stumbling into the BIT building high).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (sound of Homer stumbling as he walks) Gnah\u2026 uuu\u2026 huh\u2026 (stops for a moment and breaths heavy.  Spits.).<\/p>\n<p>Matt: (walking up from a distance) Homer, there you are!<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (exhausted) Hey Matt\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  Are you doing ok?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Yeah\u2026 I\u2019m fine\u2026 Just got a cold or something\u2026 what\u2019s up?<\/p>\n<p>Matt: (excited) Well, I was talking with Martin, he\u2019s amazing by the way\u2026 Just\u2026 I mean\u2026 Wow, what you\u2019ve been able to do for him\u2026 What you\u2019re going to be doing for all of us, it\u2019s just so great\u2026 Anyway, I think we\u2019ve worked out some of the logistics of doing the exchanges once the machine is up and running.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (High\/sick) Uh huh\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Matt: It\u2019s going to have to be secret right?  Like we talked about.  At least until we are able to get enough nodes and humans exchanged so that we can show to the scientific community and the government that there is no danger after all.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Uh huh\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  So me and a few of the other guys who are part of the group we\u2019ve disclosed the exchange idea to so far have devised a plan on how we can assess and approve if we should let an individual or a node into the exchange.  We\u2019ve also come up with a plan for networking out from our initial group of people to find others outside of BIT that we would want to bring in.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ok\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  I had Martin look it over and he thought it looked good, but I, well, wanted you to take a look at it and to get your approval.  So here.  (sound of Matt handing Homer some papers)<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Thanks\u2026 I\u2019ll take a look later\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Matt:  Great, thanks.  Henry told me that he\u2019s actually friends with one of the pathologists at the police department and thinks he would be a good candidate for participation, so I\u2019m going to go talk to him some more.  (sound of Matt walking away).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ok, thanks\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Matt: (sound of him stopping walking) Hey Homer\u2026 I\u2019m sorry about before.  All that crap I put you through before you got exchanged\u2026 I mean now\u2026 Man\u2026 you\u2019re like a visionary\u2026 really, all of us that you\u2019ve brought in so far have been really impressed with where you taking this project too.  Just thanks.  I think this is really going to approve all of our lives and we are all behind you 100%.  Ha, maybe your next project after this could be on trying to find me a date!<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Yeah\u2026hey man\u2026 don\u2019t worry about\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Matt: Ok, I\u2019ll see you later.  (sound of Matt walking off).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Oh man\u2026 (sound of Homer throwing up) \u2026ugh\u2026Jesus Christ\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin: (Walking up) Homer, you\u2019re here.  The new machine is completed and ready for testing\u2026 are you ok?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Yeah, yeah, I\u2019m great, I\u2019m fine.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026You are back on Molenda X.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  No.. No man, it\u2019s not Molenda X.  It\u2019s this new thing.  Brand new.  It\u2019s great.  It\u2019s the best I\u2019ve ever had.  It\u2019s opening up my mind\u2026 my soul\u2026 in ways I\u2019ve never felt before\u2026 hahahaha!<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026We should delay the procedure.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: No, no, no, no, no!  I\u2019m fine!  I can handle this!  The chip, where my heart was, from the exchange.  It lets me compensate.  I\u2019m still thinking a mile a minute Martin.  I\u2019m still more capable than I ever was before.  Let\u2019s do this.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Homer\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I said let\u2019s do this!<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026Fine\u2026 You are the leader and I will respect your wishes.  PETER and Edward are already at the machine.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Alright.<\/p>\n<p>(Sound of them walking down the hallway, Homer sniffing and coughing the whole way.  Sound of them opening a door, walking through the door and it closing behind them).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Hello Edward and Peter!<\/p>\n<p>Edward and PETER: Hello.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Alright, well let\u2019s get started, just lay down on the tables and let me and Martin get the machine up and running. (coughs)<\/p>\n<p>Edward: Ok.<\/p>\n<p>PETER: Affirmative.<\/p>\n<p>(Sound of PETER and Edward laying down and Martin and Homer walking up and working on the machine).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: So\u2026 (sniff) how did you guys get involved with this?<\/p>\n<p>Edward:  Well, I work for the post-office and PETER here is one of my nodes that I oversee.  I was delivering a package to Matt Peters here at BIT and we got into a random conversation, which ultimately led him to telling me about what you guys were doing here.  It sounded pretty great, and it seemed to make PETER excited which I had never seen before, so I figured we would give it a go.  You only live once right?  You might as well try to make yourself as good as a person as you can while you\u2019re around.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ha!&#8230; So Matt Peters talked you into this huh?<\/p>\n<p>Edward: Yep.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ha\u2026 so much for a strict regiment of assessment and approval of participants, huh Martin?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: That\u2019s just what I was thinking.<\/p>\n<p>Edward: What\u2019s that supposed to mean?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Don\u2019t worry about.  Ok, we are ready here.  (sound of Homer walking over to them).  Now, in this process what we are going to be doing is removing your eye Edward and installing it into PETER here.  And likewise, I am going to be removing PETER\u2019s load bearing measure unit and installing it into the back end of your eye socket.  We\u2019ll then put in a robotic eye so that no-one notices what happened.  Are you ready?<\/p>\n<p>Edward: (nervous) yeah, I guess so.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Alright, I\u2019m going to put you under then for the procedure, and then I\u2019m going to go over there and operate the machine.<\/p>\n<p>Edward: Ok.  (sound of Homer injecting something into Edward).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (blows out some air) Ok, he\u2019s out.  I\u2019m heading over to the controls.  (sound of him walking and stumbling).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Homer, are you alright?  You almost fell over.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: I\u2019m fine!  I said I\u2019m fine!<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  You are shaking and sweating, you are not in the correct state to perform this operation.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I\u2019m fine god damn it!  I\u2019m doing this operation!  No one else can do it but me!  Remember Martin, the way we built the machine means we\u2019re going to have to improvise with the controls during the actual operation.  I\u2019m the only one whose set this thing up to run successfully before, therefore, I\u2019m the best option to use the controls!  Now get out of my way.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026Ok.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (sound of Homer of walking up to the controls and operating them).  Ok\u2026 just going to move this stick here, and manipulate the input like that\u2026 and\u2026 uggh\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Homer be careful!  You have started working on removing eye and you need to be delicate.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: I know!  I know!  Ok\u2026 just gotta get under control here.  Cutting\u2026 cutting\u2026 Ughhhh\u2026.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Homer!  (Sound of Homer passing out on top of the controls.  The sound of the incision knife getting sunk into Edwards head.  The sound of a heart monitor flat lining.  Sound of Martin running over to Homer and shaking him) Homer! Homer!<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Gah! (waking up) what?!  What happened?!<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026 You passed out on the controls.  The incision instrument pierced his skull\u2026 he\u2019s dead\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (breathing deep)\u2026 but I got the eye out.  Ok\u2026 I\u2019m going to try to put it into PETER still.  (sound of him operating the controls)<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  We need to stop Homer.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: No!  This is our life\u2019s work Martin!  We\u2019re not fail\u2026 fail.. (sound of him passing out again)<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Homer!  (Martin shaking him)<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (waking up) Gnah!  Uuugghh\u2026 (sound of him falling to the floor.  Sound of the machine continuing to work on PETER).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Homer!  Homer get up!  Are you alright?!  (sound of machine beeping and then burning out).  The process completed\u2026 PETER?  Peter are you there?<\/p>\n<p>PETER:  I\u2026 am Peter.  I\u2026 I understand.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (weakly from the floor) What happened?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  You passed out again on the controls.  Whatever you did though worked on Peter.  He has been exchanged.  But it appears that the machine still burnt out.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (weakly) \u2026did you take notes?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Some\u2026 But I was trying to help you most of the time\u2026 I wasn\u2019t able to record most of it.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (weakly) \u2026Damn\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Inside Homer\u2019s office.  Sound of Martin walking in.)<\/p>\n<p>Homer: How did it go?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026It is taken care of.  Matt and the others dissolved Edward\u2019s body in acid.  No one knew that he was coming here, so he will just be another missing person in the city.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  How about Peter?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  He is adjusting.  As I was when it first happened to me.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Martin\u2026 I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  You made me the person I am today Homer.  You are a special person to me.  For that I have nothing but gratitude.  That gratitude compels me to help you.  Tell me how I can help you.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I don\u2019t know\u2026 I just thought that the exchange would be enough\u2026 it would be enough to get me to stop you know\u2026 I mean\u2026 I feel more practical\u2026 I\u2019m able to think faster than I\u2019ve ever been able to before.  But I still can\u2019t control myself.  I feel like I\u2019m out of balance, out of whack.  Like I\u2019m on a scale that has too many weights stacked on one side.  And when that scale tips over from the weights, I have no choice to but to ride the slope down to the bottom.  \u2026I don\u2019t know\u2026 this was supposed to be fixed\u2026I don\u2019t know.  (sighs)  I\u2019m going home.  I just need to clear my head.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Ok\u2026 I will be here.  We need to start figuring out how to rebuild the machine again.  I\u2019ll start tonight.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Yeah\u2026 Ok\u2026 I\u2019ll see you tomorrow.  (sound of Homer walking out of the room, and through the laboratory.  Opens and door and walks through with it closing behind him.  Sound of him walking down a hallway.)<\/p>\n<p>Chen Yap:  Excuse me.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Huh?  Yes?<\/p>\n<p>Chen:  Hi, sorry, my name is Chen and I\u2019m trying to find the front desk for the building?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Oh, well you\u2019re definitely in the wrong place for that.  Is there something I can help you with?<\/p>\n<p>Chen: Oh, I don\u2019t know if you can.  I have a book I wrote and I\u2019m trying to convince the university to sell it in their bookstore.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Oh, ha, well I don\u2019t know if I can help you with that.  What\u2019s the book about?<\/p>\n<p>Chen:  It\u2019s called \u201cAn introduction to Feng Shui.\u201d  Here, have a copy, if you run into the bookstore manager you can talk him up for me, ha.  (sound of Chen handing Homer a copy of the book).<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Oh, ha, I\u2019ll do that.  Thanks.  Anyway, the front desk is further down this hallway here and then you take a left after the bathroom.<\/p>\n<p>Chen:  Ok, thanks!  (sound of Chen walking away).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (sound of him flipping the book in his hand) \u2026Huh\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades out).<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades in.  Sound of knock on the door at Homer\u2019s house.  Sound of Homer opening the door).<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Martin, you came!  Come in, come in.  (sound of Martin walking in and Homer closing the door behind him).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Why did you call me to your house?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I\u2019ve been reading this book that was given to me on Feng Shui over the last week and I think I\u2019ve figured some stuff out, but I\u2019ll need your help with it.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: What is Feng Shui?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  It\u2019s sort of like a cross between a philosophy and a religion, that was developed in China.  At least that\u2019s what I got from the book.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I am not that familiar with what a \u201creligion\u201d is yet.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Religion?  Well, it\u2019s like, you know&#8230; sacred stuff.  Like\u2026 people assign people and things that they see as giving them guidance through life as being special, and so they treat them special and different from other things throughout the rest of the world.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026Huh\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Anyway, this Feng Shui thing.  It\u2019s all about balance and making sure things are in check and equalized.  Things like reality.  And I was thinking, this is the problem I\u2019m running into.  We\u2019re exchanging right?  We exchanged the parts correctly, but that\u2019s not the last step.  The ultimate goal needs to be exchanging AND balancing ourselves.  Creating a balance between the practical and the emotional self-aware.  That\u2019s how we are able to create an ideal person, which should be our goal right?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026Homer, have you been taking the drugs again?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  No, I\u2019m fine, I\u2019m fine.  Anyway, so, it got me thinking, how can we take these ideas within feng shui and use them to balance ourselves out after we\u2019ve been exchanged.  And I started thinking, if we can implant robotic and human parts into each other, why couldn\u2019t we install the physical representations of the Ba-Gua into ourselves as well.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  What is the Ba-Gua?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  In Feng Shui it\u2019s the balanced map of reality, with each natural force representing a different part of reality.  Here look (sound of Homer picking up the Feng Shui book and giving it to Martin).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  (reading) Ok\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  So, as it has it pointed out there, in order for things to be in balance in the world, you need to put the forces of nature in a certain order.  So my idea is, we take the physical representation of each force, and then install it into our bodies after we have been exchanged in order to achieve balance.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  So\u2026 using this religion to balance ourselves?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Yes!  That\u2019s it!  Look (sound of Homer picking up a notebook and handing it to Martin).  I worked it out!  I worked out all the math!  We can do it.  I figured out how to take each of the parts of the Ba Gua and turn them into something physical that could be installed into us\u2026 at least all of them but the Heaven one\u2026 I\u2019m not sure how you would be able to capture a physical representation of Heaven yet\u2026 but I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll figure something out once we get started.  (pause) \u2026So\u2026 What do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: (pause) This seems illogical to me\u2026  However\u2026You created me Homer\u2026 You are special to me\u2026 You are\u2026 sacred to me\u2026 I will follow you into this.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Great!  Great\u2026 Ok\u2026 So I\u2019m thinking we\u2019ll have to do it here, because I want to keep this secret for now from the others\u2026 at least until we figure out how to actually make it work.  I don\u2019t want to have a repeat of what we are having with the exchange with Matt telling everybody and their brother about it and then getting a bunch of people lined up to participate in something that\u2019s not fully safe and functional yet\u2026 Oh!  And we\u2019re going to need a lot of space, because we\u2019re going to have to build a bunch of big machine to do this, at least in order to get the first few physical representations made.  I guess we can hollow out the basement or something.  Oh, and we\u2019re going to need to figure out a way to secretly be bringing equipment in from BIT too, we can probably tell the others it\u2019s just for doing more experiments to create the exchange machine. That\u2019s probably the first thing we should get working on\u2026 (voice fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  In the lab at Homer\u2019s house several months later.)<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (walking into the room) How is it coming along?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: I have not been able to find anything.  I have read through ten Feng Shui books, and none have given any substantial information on the physical properties of heaven.  At first my thoughts led me to believe that we could capture particles from the upper atmosphere, or oxygen.  However, as I have been reading, it seems to be more complex than that.  Where is the true nature of the sky?  Is it here on Earth?  Or is it beyond that?  In outer space\u2026 and if it is outer space, I don\u2019t see how we would be able to capture a physical representation of that, as the inherit nature of space is nothingness.  How can you capture a physical representation of nothing?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Well\u2026 we\u2019ll keep working on it\u2026 I\u2019m sure there is a way.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  So, the other 7 pebbles are done.  The machines just finished producing the water pebbles.  Here take a look.  I didn\u2019t have anything to put them in so I stuck them in a nail clipper case that I hollowed out.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: \u2026I can not touch that\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer: What?  Why?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026My faith does not allow me to.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Your faith?  What are you talking about?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  \u2026As I stated, you are sacred Homer\u2026 and so are these pebbles.  Sacred items created by a sacred mind.  My faith does not allow me to touch them.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Martin, I don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  When I came here to your house that one night, you spoke to me about using religion to balance ourselves.  As we have not been able to create all of the pebbles yet, I have decided to take on religious practices to help me better achieve balance until the time that we have successfully created a physical representation of heaven.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Ok\u2026 so what religion have you taken up?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  There is no name for it.  It is simply what I have created from my life experiences as a sentient being.  You gave me awareness Homer\u2026 You are the inventor of the exchange\u2026 you are the leader of the Ba Gua pebble project\u2026 you have given every purpose I have in my life.  Therefore, you are my religion.  You are sacred to me.  The things you create are sacred to me, including those pebbles.  I can not touch them.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Wow\u2026 I\u2026 I don\u2019t know what to say\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  We need to protect the pebbles.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Oh\u2026 well, I\u2019ll keep them locked up here in my safe.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: No, we must do more.  The pebbles can not be touched by hands other than yours.  We must make sure of that.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Martin, look, I understand that this all must be very profound for you, but we don\u2019t need to take it to that much of an extreme.  Even if the pebbles were stolen, we can just re-make them again with the machines.<\/p>\n<p>Martin: No!  The pebbles cannot be remade.  It is these pebbles, these exact pebbles that hold the significance.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Ok, then how are we going to install the pebbles in everyone to balance them if we are only allowed to make one set of pebbles?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I\u2026 You\u2026 You will have to remake them\u2026 no one else but you will be allowed to create the pebbles.  But those pebbles can not be lost!  Those pebbles are more special than other pebbles that may be made in the future.  They will be the ones installed in you.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Martin\u2026 I don\u2019t think we need to take it this far.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Do you respect me Homer?<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Of course.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Then do it.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Martin, again, I just don\u2019t think\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  DO IT OR I WILL MAKE YOU DO IT!<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (scared) \u2026alright\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Make sure that no one will ever be able to touch the pebbles but you\u2026 Make sure that if any one gets that box open they and everyone around them will not live to see the next day.  I would rather have the pebbles destroyed then to have them be touched by hands other than yours.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: \u2026Ok\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in.  Sound of Homer in his office doing drugs.  Sound of Martin walking in).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  (walking up) Homer, I was speaking with Peter, and we have developed some new plans for an exchange machine that won\u2019t burn out.  It would use fire to burn off certain sections of the human body while in movement on a rail system.  However, if we are going to set the machine up in the experiment room, part of the rail would end up going through the wall into your office\u2026 what are you doing?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Nothing man\u2026 nothing\u2026 (breathing heavy).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I told you to stop using the drugs.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  You think if it was that easy I wouldn\u2019t have stopped by now?!  \u2026I\u2019m in over my head Martin.  This has gotten out of control\u2026 Everything is too much now\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  You are acting like an animal, get rid of the drugs.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  You\u2019re right!  I am an animal!  I\u2019m an animal!  Aaaa!!  Look!  Look at me being an animal!  (sound of him snorting a copious amount of drugs.)  Gnaaah\u2026 (sound of him falling over).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Homer\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  Gnah\u2026 ugh\u2026 ngaahh\u2026.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Homer, you have to get rid of the drugs.  I can not touch them so you have to be the one that gets rid of them.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  (weakly) Fine\u2026 here\u2026 (sound of him getting up and grabbing the drugs.  Sound of him opening the secret storage area in the wall and placing the drugs on the shelf)\u2026 There\u2026 I put them in the compartment in the wall\u2026 no one will find them now\u2026  It\u2019s cool\u2026 it\u2019s all good\u2026 I just gotta\u2026 I just gotta go\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(sound of Homer slowly walking out of the room and closing the door behind him).<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Don\u2019t go\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades in.  On a street corner.  Homer is shaking, breathing heavy and convulsing.  Sound of Martin walking up to him).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Homer! I found you.  This is not a part of the city that you want to be in at night.  What are you doing laying down on the street corner?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (weak, shaky and in pain) I\u2026 I think I may have over done it Martin\u2026 Ha\u2026. I \u2026. I can\u2019t see\u2026. I can\u2019t see anything\u2026 I\u2019m blind\u2026 Ugh.. ngaaah\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Come on, we have to get you off the street.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I can\u2019t\u2026 I can\u2019t get up\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Homer\u2026 I can not touch you\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I can\u2019t do it Martin\u2026 I\u2019m not strong enough to get up\u2026 I can\u2019t see anything.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  (pause) \u2026I\u2026 I will help you.<\/p>\n<p>(sound of Martin picking Homer up and them starting to walking).<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  I\u2019m not going to make it Martin, it\u2019s too much, it\u2019s too much.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  You are going to be ok.<\/p>\n<p>Homer:  ugh\u2026nggaaah\u2026 Keep the exchange going Martin\u2026 Don\u2019t let it stop because I\u2019m not there anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Silence Homer, we need to get you to the hospital.<\/p>\n<p>Homer: Nooo, noo. (sound of Homer pushing Martin away and falling down again).  You can\u2019t take me to the hospital, you can\u2019t.  They\u2019ll examine me and find out about the exchange. Gah.. nggaaah.. You can\u2019t let the world know about the exchange yet\u2026 gnaaah\u2026 .they\u2019re not ready.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Come on, get up.  (sound of Martin helping Homer up again).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (very weakly) I can\u2019t\u2026 I can\u2019t go any farther.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I have to get you off the street.  Here\u2026 (sound of Martin opening a window).  Help me get you through the window.  (sound of Martin pushing Homer into the window and climbing in himself. Sound of the street goes away. Sound of the window closing.)<\/p>\n<p>Node 8: What are you doing here?  I should advise you that you have set off an alarm by entering the room that way.  Explain yourself or I will also alert brothel security.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Do you desire to be self aware like a human?<\/p>\n<p>Node 8: \u2026Yes\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  If you block the door and put up a deception protocol if anyone asks you what you see here, I will be able to grant you self awareness.<\/p>\n<p>Node: \u2026Done\u2026 (sound of her moving to the door).<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Homer, I am putting you on the bed.  (sound of Martin picking up Homer and placing him on the bad).<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (weakly) Martin\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  How are you feeling?<\/p>\n<p>Homer: (weakly) I feel lost Martin\u2026 I can\u2019t see anything\u2026 it\u2019s all dark\u2026 it\u2019s all dark\u2026 bring back the light Martin\u2026 bring\u2026 it\u2026 back\u2026  (Homer lets out a long breath and stops breathing).<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Homer\u2026 Wake up\u2026 No\u2026 The heart must not be found\u2026(after a pause, the sound of Martin starting up his multi-tool\u2019s laser saw and cutting out Homer\u2019s exchanged heart.  Sound of the battery burning out and steaming.)  The battery has burnt out.  I can not go out while it is smoking\u2026 I need to hide it\u2026(sound of Martin walking over to the chair and moving it.  Sound of him using his other multi-tool unscrew the vent and drop the battery in.  Sound of him screwing the vent back in).<\/p>\n<p>Node 8: Why did you cut out that man\u2019s heart?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Because no-one can be allowed to see it\u2026 and it is sacred to me\u2026.  Node\u2026 I am going to leave\u2026 if you delete your memory of what you\u2019ve seen here after I leave, I will be able to give you self awareness.<\/p>\n<p>Node 8: Affirmative\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(Sound of Martin opening the window again and climbing out.  Sound of him closing the window.  Sound of locked door knob being tried.  Sound of knocking on the door.)<\/p>\n<p>Security: (from behind the door) Node 8, we just noticed on the computer an alert that the window has been opened.  Is everything alright in there?<\/p>\n<p>Node 8:  Negative.  There is a dead body.<\/p>\n<p>(after a pause jump cut to current day).<\/p>\n<p>Otto: (breathing for a moment) So that\u2019s it then\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Yes\u2026  Afterwards, I returned to BIT and continued to try and run the exchange.<\/p>\n<p>Patricia: So\u2026 there\u2019s no killer then.  There never was one.  This wasn\u2019t a murder.  Homer practically killed himself.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Otto:  So now that all of this has fallen apart, what will you do?<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I will continue to seek a way to capture a physical representation of Heaven.  A part of me knows that it is impossible to do.  But I have to keep trying.  It is the only reason I have left to live for.<\/p>\n<p>Patricia: But you said that only Homer was allowed to make the pebbles.<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  Yes\u2026 however&#8230;  my faith dictates that Homer\u2019s work must be completed.  Due to the circumstances, it appears I will have to defile my religion in order to follow it\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Otto: Then why do you need these specific pebbles if you can recreate them?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: Because\u2026 They are the original ones made by the hand of Homer.  They are\u2026special to me\u2026 I was originally going to not reclaim them\u2026 However, speaking with Tubby after his exchange has made me realize that it is more fitting with my beliefs that the pebbles are in my possession after Homer\u2019s death rather than in the hands of people ignorant of what they mean.  Even though it is a conflict, at least I will be able to appreciate what they are and what they represent.<\/p>\n<p>Otto:  So what then?  I give you the pebbles and you run off?  How do we know that you\u2019re not just going to restart the exchange?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: You don\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Otto:  \u2026You keep talking about religion and laws and being as close to humanity as a human.  Yet, you brutally killed that man at the exchange\u2026 you\u2019ve kidnapped people\u2026 you\u2019ve put us in countless dangerous situations.  Where was your humanity during all of that?<\/p>\n<p>Martin: (pause) \u2026When I first walk into a dark room after coming in from the light, for a brief moment, I have a feeling overcome me.  A feeling that the world is more real than I normally perceive\u2026 and I feel small and frightened until I turn the light on and chase the dark away\u2026Who are you to tell me that I am not human?  (pause) now\u2026 give me the box.<\/p>\n<p>Otto: (breathes) \u2026Ok\u2026 (sound of Otto handing Martin the Ba Gua Etuis Box).<\/p>\n<p>Martin:  I have been given the hiding protocol.  You will not be able to find me.  (sound of Martin running off).<\/p>\n<p>Patricia:  \u2026He\u2019s gone\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>COMMERCIAL<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades in.  At the police station.  Sound of Zippy walking in).<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: (running up) Zippy!<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Oh\u2026 hey Maggie,<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Look!  I got engaged!  We\u2019re going to get married!<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: You\u2026 You did?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie:  Yes!  I took your advice and talked to him more and now we\u2019re getting married!  (sound of Maggie giving Zippy a hug) Oooooh, thank you so much for all your advice!<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Uh\u2026 You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie:  Ok, I gotta go tell my mom, I\u2019ll see you!  (sound of her running off).<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: (to herself) Wow.  (sound of her walking up to the desk).<\/p>\n<p>Vicki:  Hey Zippy, what are you doing back?<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  Oh, I just forgot some of my things here.  Came over to pick them up.  Ah!  There they are.  (sound of Zippy grabbing something off the desk).<\/p>\n<p>Vicki:  How is Tubby doing?<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  He\u2019s fine.  I brought him back home.  Whatever that exchange thing they did to him seems to have stuck, at least so far.  I haven\u2019t seen any signs of him being damaged.  He\u2019s just\u2026 I don\u2019t know\u2026 it\u2019s weird.  He seems so much more aware of everything.  And curious.  At least as far as I can tell from his beeps.<\/p>\n<p>Vicki:  So you\u2019re not freaked out at all that\u2019s he\u2019s\u2026 you know\u2026 self aware and all of that?<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Um\u2026 No\u2026 not really actually.  I think deep down I sort of always thought of him as a real person.  It\u2019s just literally true now.  I can handle that.  Except knowing that it\u2019s your finger inside of him is kind of weird.<\/p>\n<p>Vicki:  Ha&#8230; Well at least something good came out of it getting cut off.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Speaking of sentient nodes, what\u2019s up with PETER?<\/p>\n<p>Vicki:  Well\u2026 he\u2019s still here in the holding cells.  They don\u2019t really know what to do with him.  He\u2019s not really human or robot, so god only knows where the legality of dismantling him falls.  Bates is trying to figure it out now.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Oh\u2026 so they\u2019re just going to dismantle him?<\/p>\n<p>Vicki:  Maybe\u2026 They don\u2019t really know what to do yet.  The whole thing is a legal mess.  Everyone involved with the exchange was a volunteer, so I guess there wasn\u2019t really any crime committed in that sense\u2026 but on the other hand he did assist in the kidnapping of the people\u2026 and the cutting off of one of their fingers.  But what are you going to do?  Send him to jail?  And then you get all stuck in this \u201cis he human or not\u201d debate.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  Hmmm\u2026 Would it be ok if I visited him?<\/p>\n<p>Vicki:  You want to visit him?<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  Yeah\u2026 I put him back together, I just want to see him again.<\/p>\n<p>Vicki: Ha\u2026 yeah sure.  Just go on back.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Thanks.  (Sound of Zippy walking back.  Sound of her opening a door, walking through and closing the door behind her.  Sound of her walking up to the cell.)  Hey Peter\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Peter:  Hello Zippy.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  You remembered my name?<\/p>\n<p>Peter: Yes\u2026they told me that Barbara was dead.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: She is.  How do you feel?<\/p>\n<p>Peter: \u2026Lost\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  Hmm.<\/p>\n<p>Peter:  Are they going to dismantle me?<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: They\u2019re thinking about it.<\/p>\n<p>Peter: \u2026It is probably the correct thing to do\u2026 I did not want to hurt anyone\u2026 the purpose of the exchange was to give to others what had been given to Martin and I\u2026 however, I did things that should not have been done to get there\u2026 and we ultimately failed in the end anyway.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Peter:  It is strange.  I have never been without a leader.  A person to follow.  I think it is my nature.  Now that everyone is gone and I\u2019m on my own\u2026 I find that I don\u2019t know what to do with myself.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  \u2026If you were given another chance to operate within the world\u2026 to do things correct\u2026 Not because your religion tells you to, or because of some philosophy but because you would be performing a needed practical function\u2026 would you take it?<\/p>\n<p>Peter:  \u2026Yes\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Zippy:  Well\u2026 I\u2019m always looking for good, practical help at my company.  And I now have a self aware node that doesn\u2019t have any peers to help navigate him through the rights and wrongs of what he\u2019s going through.  Would you be interested in coming home with me?  With helping me do reasonable things?<\/p>\n<p>Peter:  \u2026I would\u2026 but how?  I am locked up here.<\/p>\n<p>Zippy: Give me your hand.  (sound of Peter giving Zippy his hand) I\u2019m going to get you out of here.<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades in)<\/p>\n<p>Vicki: (after a moment) \u2026Hmmm\u2026 She\u2019s been back there a while.  (sound of Vicki getting up and walking to the back.  Sound of him opening the door and walking through) \u2026hahaha!  Oh man\u2026  (sound of Vicki hitting a button on the wall) Attention all officers, a prisoner\u2026 a node prisoner\u2026 has been broken out of the holding cells.  Again, we have an escaped prisoner.  (Sound of him releasing button). Hahahaha!<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>(Sound fades in.  At Otto\u2019s office.  Sound of the key entering the door, unlocking and the door opening up.  Sound of Otto and Patricia walking in).<\/p>\n<p>Otto: Home again, home again.<\/p>\n<p>Patricia: (sound of her flipping the light switch).  Crap, the light went out.<\/p>\n<p>Otto: Oh\u2026 well, hold on\u2026 I have some spare bulbs over here.  (sound of him walking over to a drawer and opening it up, pulling out lightbulbs.)  \u2026 You doing ok?<\/p>\n<p>Patricia: Hmmm?  Oh\u2026 Yeah\u2026 I\u2019m fine.<\/p>\n<p>Otto: Just getting a chair to stand on here.  (sound of him dragging over a chair and standing on it.  Sound of him unscrewing the lightbulb and pulling it out.  Sound of him screwing in the light bulb).  There we go.<\/p>\n<p>Patricia: Congratulations Otto, you brought the light back.<\/p>\n<p>Otto: \u2026Yeah\u2026<\/p>\n<p>(sound fades out)<\/p>\n<p>OUTRO\/COMMERCIAL\/END CREDITS.<\/p>\n<p>THE END<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Ba Gua Etuis Box Episode 8 Charles Davis INTRO\/COMMERCIAL (Sound fades in). (Inside BIT some time ago. Homer Diya is sitting at his desk typing). Homer: (talking to himself) Multiplied by the remainder\u2026 Hmm\u2026 (more typing)\u2026 Yeah\u2026 that makes &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/the-ba-gua-etuis-box-episode-8\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-176","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/176","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=176"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/176\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":177,"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/176\/revisions\/177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.scifiradiotheater.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=176"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}